Marriage and Divorce Bill: We can’t run or hide from these horrors!

Last week I wrote about my feeling about the manner in which the debate on the Marriage and Divorce Bill was handled. I couldn’t’ write any better than Jacqueline Asiimwe, a lawyer who has been, for more than a decade, at the centre of the struggle for women’s rights in Uganda. Here is her personal note on the bill. We all can’t  run or hide from realities and horrors in our homes. We all have similar stories like those of Jackie’s clients and her clients don’t come from outside our country. They are the silenced victims of our unfair laws and cultural practices. I am hearing that some MPs who have something left of their morals are returning the 5 million they were given for sham the consultations on a proposed law which Ugandan taxpayers had already spent over years. These stories are not just stories of poor, rural people, they are stories that we dont have to look far! They are our family’s stories, they are our stories. Hope Jackie’s note makes you realise how urgent this law reform is needed!

I felt I should pen this piece, if only to extract and explore what I feel
within ever since the latest debate on the Marriage Bill started. As one of
the proponents, maybe I see through hazy (and some will say crazy) eyes. My
journey started as a young lawyer, fresh out of law school. I went and gave
my time and energy as a volunteer at the legal aid clinic of FIDA. Day after
day, I heard story after story, one woman after another, telling some horror
or other, that she or her children were experiencing at the hands of a man.
And our job was mostly to try and mediate between the two parties to try and
find an amicable solution, failing which, we would proceed to court, if our
client had a solid enough case.

Apart from the clinic work, I also traversed this country, along with other
women lawyers – teaching men and women their rights and responsibilities,
explaining the family laws, land laws and the laws on inheritance. It was
always sad to see the shocked faces of men and women who thought they were
married, only to find out they were cohabiting. It was always sad to see the
realization hit their faces, as they contended with the illegality of their

Throughout the Constitution making process, as we gathered views from women
– along side the Ministry of Gender, women everywhere said that they wanted
fairer family laws to address the issues and challenges they were facing.
When our Constitution was finally promulgated, it contained an Article on
family rights. We felt that gave us the necessary impetus to then push for
law reform in the area of family laws. By 1999, the Law Reform Commission
embarked on the project of reform of domestic relations, through country
wide consultations. We took to the road again, and we too sought views from
men and women far and wide.

Several versions of the then Domestic Relations Bill were drafted and
redrafted. In the meantime, we also took several cases to the Constitutional
Court, to address the discrimination and inconsistency in the laws. We filed
petitions challenging the current Divorce Act, the adultery provisions in
the penal code, the unfair succession clauses in the Succession Act, we
challenged the discriminatory nature of bride price, we also challenged
polygamy. We won all the cases except the one against polygamy which has not
yet been heard due to lack of quorum on the bench. In the bride price case,
while the practice was not outlawed, the refund of bride price was.

And so we went back to the drawing board. We lobbied Parliament, we lobbied
the Law Reform Commission, the Ministry of Justice, the Ministry of Gender –
anyone who would listen – to deal with reform of our marriage laws.
Essentially, our fight was that justice would prevail in the most basic, yet
most important unit of society – the family. Along the way we won some gains
– like the Domestic Violence Act, which for once named and shamed the
heinous violence that goes on in our homes. We also worked with children
rights organizations to ensure clear provisions on maintenance of children
by both parents, since most of the clients we saw in our clinics were those
that had been abandoned by their fathers. We also worked hand on hand with
Women MPs to include protections of women’s land rights in our land laws –
especially the right to co-own family land. We did all this work and still
we waited for the reform of our marriage laws.

And now the moment is here – and for crusading for justice, I have been
called a feminist who is anti marriage, anti family, a homosexual promoting
abortionist. I have felt the hatred spewed in the public places – the bars,
the radios and even the churches. I have confronted up close and personal,
the underbelly of the beast called patriarchy – in all it’s ugliness. I have
felt gagged and an endangered species for even daring to say that I support
the bill. I have felt like running. I have felt like hiding, I have wished
for this bad dream to be over.

But if I run and hide I would have betrayed my friend A. She lives in
Entebbe. She has cohabited for almost 20 years. She has tried to persuade
the man she calls her husband to marry her in church, but he won’t hear of
it, or he dilly dallies. She has invested her all in the relationship, but
she knows it is not a stable one. For her I must go on.

If I run and hide, I would have betrayed G, a young gentleman I met. He ran
away from Karamoja, from his wife, who he was forced to marry when he was
16. His parents did not listen to his plea, that all he wanted to do was
study. He did what was expected of him by his culture, and then he fled for
his life, leaving a young child and wife. For him I must go on.

If I run and hide, I will have betrayed S, a young friend, who fresh from a
C-Section, was taken back to hospital after a few days, with torn stitches,
because her husband could not wait a few more weeks for her to heal. She was
his and had to give in. After all, she had said her vows. For her, I must go

If I run and hide, I will have betrayed P, a young, beautiful lady, a client
of mine, who came with a broken arm. Her husband broke her arm, she was
scared of him. He had stopped her from working. Every day he locked their
bedroom door and locked their gate, so she would not leave the house. This
one day he forgot to lock the gate and she escaped to come to FIDA. I asked
for a car to take her back to her house, before her husband came back. To
this day, I wonder if P is alive. I don’t know. But for her, I must go on.

If I run and hide, I will have betrayed M, an elderly woman, who lives in
Ntungamo, whom I met last year. She and her husband got married in church in
1968. Their marriage went sour in 2004, when the man took on a second wife.
Her husband sought to dispossess her, but her daughters stood by her side.
Yes, they forced their dad to give their mom land, but every time M grows
some food, the man sends his cows into her garden to eat her food. For her,
I must go on.

If I run and hide, I will have betrayed one other client who we fought hard
for. Her marriage of 30 years went sour and her husband wanted his bride
price back. Her parents were too old and too poor to pay it back, so the man
organized for the removal of his parents in laws, iron sheets, so that he
could sell them and get back part of his dowry. For her I must go on.

If I run and hide, I will have betrayed D, a caller on one of the radio
stations where I am talk show panelist. She was in distress. For the ten
years she has been married, she and her husband had worked hand in hand
together to build whatever little fortune they had. She gave of her money,
as did he, and together they bought some property. She trusted him to take
care of the paper work. And now, when the marriage has turned sour, she
recently found out that he had registered all their property in his mother’s
name. She is at a loss of what to do. For her, I must go on.

For these and many more, – for my stories could fill endless pages, and I
could go on for ages – for these, I must go on.

Yes I have told you the extremes, and indeed, not all marriages are like
that. But for the those that are, they need the remedies that the law can
provide. This is not to say our families, churches and wider society will
not have a hand in trying to keep our marriages going, rather, it is to
recognize, that even our best efforts sometimes fail, and when they do, we
need the law.

And so, despite the weariness I feel, despite being vilified and
misunderstood, I will take a stand to stand with those who fall under a
heavy yoke. For them I will seek justice until my dying day. And that is my
solemn vow.

You can follow Asiimwe on twitter @asiimwe4justice

One thought on “Marriage and Divorce Bill: We can’t run or hide from these horrors!

  1. I have been irked into jotting something down to do with this contentious Marriage and Divorce Bill that is largely resented and as some people would want to hear missunderstood. My observation is this: There are competent laws in the Constitution of Uganda that take care of every aspect of human rights of all Ugandans even in the areas of marriage and divorce. Making a new law will not guarantee justice in the marriage issues than has been happening. Why do I say this? Not long ago Parliament passed the Domestic Violence Bill which had earlier caused uproar and contention just like the marriage and divorce bill now. In my view the bill has not done miracles as regards domestic violence to the extent that even some women members of parliament who partcipated in passing of the bill are stiill subjected to domestic violence. There is the Children’s Act which has not been invoked to address the rampant cases of child abuse, sacrifice, negelect, battering, labour etc. If having a bill on shelf means anything in any issue, we would have registered a change in domestic violence and children’s rights. I also know there is the Marriage Act which should address issues to do with marriae and divorce. So agitating for marriage and divorce bill may not yield the miracle resutls. I hope we also know how it has not been easy for many people both rural and urban to access leave alone to choose to use legal redress in many issues including marriage and divorce. I hope we also know thta law does not necessarily lead to justice because legal practice is all about business, technicalities and shrewdness. Even with free legal services not many people especially women have made use of them. The general feeling is marriage issues are supposed to be kept secret and indeed they are kept secret. Whether this bill comes into effect or not many women especially the rural will not only continue to suffer but will even suffer more because of the said bill. Some men are already putting their estates and properties in the names of their old and iliterate relatives because of the pending bill. All this rhetoric on marriage, divorce, marital rape, bride price, property, what etc. will destroy marriages than save them. I am very convinced that even this bill was passed it will not be there behind closed doors of husbnd and wife.

    About prpperty sharing, Ttere is going to be more confusion for the bill talks only of sharing property but does not talk of liabilities in case they are there. What if the property we shall share was acquired through loan and the loan is outstanding, how do we share such property and who now becomes responsible for repayment?
    The other issue is the marital rape. It is a criminal case once marrital rape is pronounced. But in most criminal cases there must be witnesses, so in this case who can be a witness when the act happens in the bedroom where only two are present. It is all confusion. Let our legislators find better business to do than waste time on none issues which will not yeild much.

    Unless laws are written in stone in the hearts of people, no law will guarantee justice or change husband or wife’s actions against each other. ONLY GOD CAN CHANGE THE HEARTS OF MEN.
    Jolly is my name

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